The Asshole Writings: 2007-present

Super Bowl XLIV Champions

1) Sean Payton put on a coaching clinic the likes of which I haven’t seen since Bill Belichick circa 2001.

Everyone will point to the onside kick as the ballsy, gutsy move that turned the momentum, and that’s true, but the Saints game plan in general was beautifully constructed.  The constant abuse of the Colts Cover 3 defense by Brees and Co. speaks volumes to the coaching and the in-game adjustments and the trust in his players to execute.  The decision to go for the TD on 4th-and-goal was a great call (although the play call itself wasn’t so much), and the clock management after they were stopped was perfect, allowing them to get the points they missed out on.  Payton deserved every over-exaggerated fist pumping spasm he had last night.

2) Not only is Peyton Manning not the greatest QB of all-time, he isn’t the greatest QB of his generation, and he wasn’t the best QB in the game.

A word of caution to the good folks at sports publications the world over: hold on there.  The praise of Peyton Manning soared to new heights this season, and he even started getting the “C” word tossed his way.  But he proved last night that “clutch” is simply not in his blood.  We were told all year long how he had finally developed into a big-game performer because he won a couple Sunday night games and made the Patriots pay for a ridiculous mistake, but the big stage continues to dominate him, not the other way around.  He hasn’t been the man for any big game in his career going back to Tennessee.  The Colts won the 2006 Super Bowl in spite of Manning, and he ultimately doomed their shot at the prize in 2009.

Drew Brees, meanwhile, exhibited the same poise and cool that patented at the Joe Montana school of Super Bowl Quarterbacking.  Brees controlled that game in every sense, never even sniffing a turnover, and taking every last centimeter of what the defense was giving him.  Brees is the alpha-dog QB in the league right now.  And barring any labor problems or significant player loss, the Saints looks capable of competing for the next several years.  If Brees gets another ring or two, we might be looking at a top-7 QB of all-time.

3) Betty White and Abe Vigoda looked substantially better than Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend.

Great Snickers commercial with Betty White, who is awesome.  Always nice to see Abe Vigoda.  And kudos to them for looking much more lifelike than the surviving Who members.  I thought Roger Daltrey was going to break his hip right there on stage when he started in with what looked like some kind of kicking move learned at a convalescent home production of A Chorus Line. And Pete Townshend looked like the sheer force of fitting his body into whatever that outfit was was going to cause his hat to shoot all the way to the moon.  I like The Who, but hopefully for future entertainment acts we at least get people in the pre-rigor mortis stage.

4) Go Daddy is the scourge of the Super Bowl.

Those commercials were old before the very first one ended all those years ago.  I like boobies, I really do, but seeing women rip off their shirts to reveal a Go Daddy tanktop has become more annoying than anything else.  Please make them go away.

5) I completely pegged Reggie Bush accurately coming out of USC.

I said he wasn’t good enough to be a feature back in the NFL.  I was right.  He was compared to Gale Sayers.  I said that was ridiculous.  I compared him to Eric Metcalf.  I win.

Eric Metcalf was a terrific football player, and Reggie Bush is as well.  But their role is specialized, and certainly not worthy of the #2 pick overall.  Everyone still owes the Houston Texans an apology.  Even if Mario Williams were nothing more than a rotation defensive end, it still would have been the right move.  I just wanted to gloat about calling that one (and I also said Matt Leinart wouldn’t be a good pro QB…ADMIRE MY PREDICTION SKILLS!).

6) I’ll bet everyone who made a gigantic fuss about the Tim Tebow ad feels like a maroon today.

Wow did we waste two weeks worth of breath on that.  I’m as guilty as anyone else about jumping to conclusions, but maybe next time we’ll actually let ourselves see what it is we’re talking about before we condemn it.  The ad was completely innocuous.  It was also stupid.  But it wasn’t any dumber than Go Daddy, and they both just want you to go check out their website.  That seems like an incredible waste of $2.8 million for Focus on the Family, but maybe I’m just not Focused enough.

7) What’s with all the “I’m a man who is being slowly castrated by women and society so I’m going to buy this car or portable TV” sentiment?

There was a common theme among several commercials, and that was men fighting back against “pussification” by buying gadgets or cars.  Dodge Charger went so far as to call it “Man’s Last Stand.”  Is that what makes a man, is taking a bunch of shit but feeling better about it because you have a sports car? That’s way more spineless than just keeping your mouth shut and helping pick out the linens and sharing a Honda Accord.  You can be a man and “eat fruit as part of your breakfast.”  In fact, it takes a man to just be cool with that and not give a fuck what people may think.  Security is the manliest trait there is.  Take it from me, a guy who picks out linens and smells soaps, and is secure enough to recognize that I’m still a fucking man, Dodge Charger or not.

7.5) The 49ers are right there on the cusp of competing for the champ…

Never mind.